sowingseeds

Although it hurts, I know in my mind that a little topsy turvey is important to face and overcome.

While reading about watering plants, I was hit by how similar it is to raising children. The safer brand website (linked above) gives some good advice about when to water plants. Gardeners are advised that a few minutes of surface watering are not enough. Plants must be watered in such a fashion that the water seeps to the roots. This is obvious in our children’s lives as well.

Perhaps beginning and ending the day with quietness and refreshing words would be an added help in allowing our children to grow into the healthy plants they are destined to be.

“Planning for planting next year’s garden actually begins after harvesting the current year’s crops. Removing old plant debris and tilling the soil are two steps towards next year’s garden.”

-from the Safer Brand website

In raising children, we often find ourselves muddling through. They don’t come with pre-packaged instructions, and there are no one-size-fits-all instructions to suit each child’s individual needs. But when we learn our children and watch their growth patterns and learning styles, we can better plan for the road ahead. Using general guidelines and applying them to our particular children can help us as parents to develop a parenting plan. As with planning for next year’s garden, we will do a better job if we start today. If we see our child catching onto a lesson that has been taught, we can see that now is the time to begin preparing the road for the next life lesson which usually comes sooner than we think! If we are prepared, then the lessons won’t be as tough as they might could be. We can see as with plants, if we remove the debris of old, unwanted habits and begin tilling the soil of our children’s hearts and minds, the upcoming lessons can be weathered with little heartache and a steady, sturdy growth.

In reading this definition, it really struck me as what parents do for their children. We want to protect our children from things that will harm them. But at the same time, we want them to experience life in such a way that they will grow from it. What this means is that they will have to undergo trials and hardships that will stretch them as people, will cause them to think and solve problems. We want them to grow into healthy adults who will contribute to society. If we shield them from every potential thing that might provide discomfort or be perceived as negative, we do them a great disservice. They lose their hardiness, their ability to withstand the storms that life inevitably brings. We do well to remember that in providing our children with sterilized soil, we do not kill the things that will bring about healthy growth.

Often parents want and expect their children to be “just like them” in almost every way. But a child is a separate person, one who will make his/her own choices about everything in life, including how much s/he wants to imitate his/her parents.

This has recently been illustrated well by Shelly and Merry . Our kids are their own people and will choose to live their own way, whether that means rejecting things like meatballs or racism, it is ultimately up to them to decide how to live out their own ideals and values.

It seems most often that teens are not willing to talk about stuff that is bothering them. I know with my own son when things get tough, we sometimes have to dig around for information. It seems that once we do a little digging, the air can be cleared and feelings can be soothed and problems can be faced and worked on. Sometimes things just hurt and they will for a while, but by aerating the situation and allowing these grievances to be aired out, it allows for the air to be cleared and for time to help the healing begin.

When thinking about what to plant in the garden of our children’s hearts, and when, it can be confusing. I think the child himself is a good indicator of when the soil of his/her heart is ready for certain ideas and lessons. This is often communicated by questions the child asks and behaviors s/he exhibits. I also think that being in different situations and around lots of different people brings up “teachable moments” that allow us to plant new (or reinforce old) ideas, values, and things to think about and grow on. These times are perfect for communicating ideas and lessons for our child to grow with. Though we have no gardening book to tell us just what to plant and when to plant it in our children, there are general guidelines to watch for. And knowing our children and listening to what they are asking is a big help to us as parents in knowing what to plant in their hearts and minds and when it is the “right” time to do so.

As kids grow, they naturally pull away from their family. But when tough times come, parents may see the small tendrils their children still have clinging to the support they have known at home. It is amazing the storms and trials kids go through these days, but having a support at home helps them to remain stable and strong while they are still developing. If kids can keep those tendrils in tact, they can continue to feel the support offered by their family well into their maturing years. The support can help them stay grounded when the storms and winds of life blow. They may not be as attached as they once were, but those tendrils back to home will provide enough support to the growing child that they can make it through.