Thursday, August 28, 2008

my own Chinese gardens

Recently, my friend Malcolm wrote about perspective . Soon after, my sister also wrote a post about how this led her to think about Chinese gardens. That led me to thinking about how I sometimes view my children in light of a Chinese Garden. If you read their posts, you can see what got me to thinking about it originally.

I often look at my kids as my own garden. After all, I have spent so much time raising, cultivating, weeding, planting, and hoping and praying for a bountiful harvest in their lives. When thinking of how Peregrine talks about a Chinese garden the analogy jumped out for me. There is a Designer who has arranged this beautiful garden (my child) and set it just so for me to appreciate the beauty. Often times, I miss it because I am looking at something else or even wishing for a different design. When I do stop to turn around, sometimes this is a downfall for me. I cannot spend so much time looking back at what was, or I may miss what's ahead, or fail to appreciate it. There are times when I can "turn around" and appreciate all the beauty that is blooming around me. But I have to be careful not to get lost in what is "back there" and fail to appreciate the blossoms that will soon be springing up...
Posted by sowingseeds at 14:01:05 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday, August 04, 2008

reap what you sow

"You reap what you sow"- I would guess that almost everyone has heard that old adage. I think it is pretty self-explanatory. After all, in life, you can only harvest what you plant.

I guess the first time I heard this applied to parenting was when my kids were still young, I may have only had one child at the time. I was in a seminar where the speaker said "if you don't like the way your kids are acting, it's your own fault". Well, that was pretty hard to swallow, but I had to know that she was right. If you think your kids are talking rude, listen to yourself. If your kids are lying, stop and hear what stories you are telling. If your kids are disrespecting authority, how do you submit? And of course, the list goes on. Even though I hate to admit that there is so much truth to that, I have to face up to it. Especially as my kids get older and sound more and more like me....

It reminds me of a poster I used to have in my room when I was very young. I still remember it and have not seen it in a while. I will post it here with credit given to the author:
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.

If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.
Posted by sowingseeds at 15:26:43 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wattle

Wattle -Old English: a fabrication of poles interwoven with small branches or reeds. Used in gardens for wind protection, screen, or to provide support for young vines.

Of course, in just reading the definition of this term, it comes to mind that the parents and family of a child should provide such a place for youngsters. I am not naive enough to know that this is not always the case, but generally speaking, the family should be the place of support and protection for a child.

Young vines are tender and can be trained to grow along a certain path. I like to think the same is true about young kids as well. They can be trained to follow a certain path. I think training is the key. Teaching, leading, love and support will provide a wattle for a child throughout his life. Each step he takes may not be the one his parents would take or even like for him to take, but it will be more likely that he will follow a certain lifestyle or path if he has been trained to do so.

Protection and support are important keys to a child's development. I like to refer to the Biblical passage "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) The support s/he gains from his/her family will provide a screen or protection from the winds that the storms of life will surely bring.
Posted by sowingseeds at 13:37:06 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Friday, July 04, 2008

grafting

Grafting-The uniting of a short length of stem of one plant onto the root stock of a different plant. This is often done to produce a hardier or more disease resistant plant.

As parents, we know that it is important to give our kids good role models to follow. We know that young kids instinctively look up to older kids. It is vital that we place our kids in the vicinity of those kinds of older kids that will present a good role model.

My son just spent five days as a junior counselor at a camp for 3rd-6th graders. It is his first year to do so, though he has cousins and neighbors that look up to him on a daily basis. My son realized just how much the younger kids look up to the bigger kids. He learned how they are watching and imitating all the time. He learned that he had to be on his best at all times and live the things that he said.

In a sense, this is like grafting a plant. Taking a short piece of plant is like taking the younger child and uniting him/her with an older, more rooted child. In giving our kids healthy role models, we will see a hardier plant upon maturity, one more likely to grow resistant those things that will cause hurt and heartache in their lives. It is also important for us to remind our bigger kids (and provide opportunities for them to experience) that those littler ones are watching and that they need to provide some strength for those younger ones to grasp on to.
Posted by sowingseeds at 18:41:24 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, June 12, 2008

tender plants

Tender Plants-Plants which are unable to endure frost or freezing temperatures.


In raising kids, it is easy to want to protect them from any harm that may come their way. But sometimes we do ourselves and our fellow man a disservice if we carry this too far. It seems that many of today's young adults are what could be considered as "tender plants". As they enter the workforce it is a difficult transition for them and their expectations seem to be centered on how they think things should be done. I recently saw a video that somewhat underscores these ideas. I thought it appropriate to share it here.


Posted by sowingseeds at 14:21:28 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Thursday, June 05, 2008

photosynthesis

Photosynthesis-The internal process by which a plant turns sunlight into growing energy. The formation of carbohydrates in plants from water and carbon dioxide, by the action of sunlight on the Chlorophyll within the leaves.

It seems that kids go through stages of internal thought processes that can be likened to photosynthesis of a plant. In my house, it has come to seem that perhaps teens are especially adept at mulling things over for a while before actually using the things they have been thinking about as energy for growth. It is so good to see a child of any age take to heart things that mom and dad have been telling them, sometimes for years.

We parents may at times feel as if we are talking to the wind or a brick wall, but when we see these things take effect in our children's lives and the growth and maturity that begin show in the way they conduct themselves, we can know that our effort was not wasted. It may take time for a kid to think through things they are hearing and learning. But after a while of "percolating" the thoughts and ideas, these often become the catalyst for growth in their lives. As parents, we will hopefully continue to "shed some light" in our children's hearts and minds, while allowing them the time and space to internally process these things. Our hope is that the reward will be the strong and healthy growth of our children into fruitful adult lives.
Posted by sowingseeds at 13:47:14 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

exaggerated topiary sculpture

In writing about shaping our children much like a gardener designing a topiary sculpture, I was reminded of a blog article sent to me via email. I do not have the original blogger name or url to give proper credit to. I would like to take a moment to think about the other side of shaping our children into our desired mold/shape/goal for them.

In her article, the above stated blogger reminds us parents that we can sometimes carry this a bit too far. We must remember that yes, we are the parents, but it eventually comes down to the child deciding for him/herself what s/he will do and be. We can spend too much time shaping our children into what we want them to be, what we think they "should" be. We as parents must be careful not to get so caught up in our own vision for our children that we lose sight of their vision for themself. A plant will only be beautiful if it blooms and grows. We must caution ourselves against the risk of losing our children to the dream we have for them to become.
Posted by sowingseeds at 22:34:26 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Topiary

TOPIARY -- The art of clipping and training woody plants to form geometric shapes or intricate patterns. Box and Myrtle are suitable types.

As we strolled through Epcot's Flower and Garden Festival last week, I noticed many of the topiaries around the park. They were beautifully designed and sculpted. I have seen topiaries before, but never thought of them in the sense of children.

Raising kids can be quite a bit like designing a topiary. You have this vision of a beautifully sculpted finished project. You spend time creating and shaping this work, hoping that the result will be what you see in your mind's eye.
I am a lot like this with my children. I have certain ideals in my own mind of what their finished product could, even should, look like. I believe it is right and good for a parent to shape and mold his/her children into the most beautiful work of art imagined. I know that it must take a lot of time, patience, skill and tender care to mold the topiary into the desired shape. The same can be said of our children. If we invest in the time, patience and tender care, we too can behold a beautifully sculpted being when our work is done.
Posted by sowingseeds at 22:36:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Monday, April 07, 2008

Eye

Eye-An undeveloped bud growth which will ultimately produce new growth.

It seems that when we are presented with our children as a new bundle of joy, we envision all the "eyes" in their lives. They are certainly filled with unrealized buds of potential growth. As our kids personality and strengths begin to emerge, we are better able to recognize the areas in which these buds will blossom and grow.

As parents, it is up to us to recognize the potential growth our kids exhibit and help them to reach their fullest ability in growing these buds of development. We can help to encourage our kids in their areas of greatest strength. We can provide opportunities for them to continue to blossom in these areas.

Every child has some area in which there is new growth just waiting to burst forth and blossom into new beauty. It is up to us to keep our eyes open to behold the eyes of growth waiting to bud in their lives.
Posted by sowingseeds at 20:26:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Erosion

Erosion --The wearing away, washing away, or removal of soil by wind, water or man.

Lately it seems that erosion has taken place in my son's life. He is doing pretty well in all the things he is involved in, but he is completely drained. It seems as if all the activities of his life are slowly causing some erosion in his life. Although these are good activities, ones that he has chosen to be involved in, there sometimes comes a point where we have to step in and make him take a break.

As with plants, kids need the grounding that the surrounding soil provides for proper growth. When they begin to get worn down, resting and rebuilding that soil bed may be all it takes to replenish the nourishment that is needed for a more healthy lifestyle and proper growth.

Anything in life can cause the erosion that saps a child's energy, and in turn, level of growth. From school, sports, church, friends, home life and anything else the child is involved in, many demands are placed on him/her. Sometimes these demands even come from within the child. All of these demands slowly erode the area in which the child is rooted. It seems when these times come, it is in the best interest of our child and his/her growth to step back and help to re-evaluate all the s/he is involved in and how to best maintain the proper soil level needed. It may be a day off from a particular acitivity or perhaps even dropping one completely. It may be an earlier bedtime or a little down time in the evening is all our kid needs to help maintain the balance that can so easily be eroded by outside forces.
Posted by sowingseeds at 22:31:30 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |