sowingseeds

As a parent, I look for ways to help him form stronger roots in areas of character development too. If I see an area where improvement needs to take place, we sit down and talk honestly. Not in a way that will wound or cut the child’s soul, psyche or even ego, but in a way that the child can sense the love, honesty and desire for maturity, for deeper and stronger roots, for becoming that strong and hardy plant that will bloom with beauty.  

After witnessing what drastic changes in weather can do to the plants around us, I began thinking how the daily, nearly imperceptible changes can also affect our “gardens”. At first I would say that this is most noticeable in teenagers, but I’d say that a kid of any age can respond in any given way to the “weather” around him/her. There are days when I wonder from minute to minute how one of my children will respond to a given situation. What they do and say one day may be different the next. And because we have no control over the weather, it is best to help our kids learn how to control their responses to the weather that greets them every day/every minute. Teaching them that life is not always sunny and bright by allowing them to deal with storms, gray clouds and high pressure is an important life skill they will need for strength, maturity and “heartiness”. It would be wonderful if we could guarantee our child balmy, sunny weather filled with rainbow skies. But as this is not the case in any plant’s life, we know it cannot be for our child either. And we also know that the tough times and rainy days make for stronger, healthier plants. Surviving those storms, even if all the leaves get blown away, will make the youngster one day be able to stand straight and tall.

The pressure kids feel today in having to reach extraordinary status in some area of performance is astounding. They need some room to breath and to know that it is ok to be a “regular Joe” in some aspects. There is no way that anyone can be “on top” all the time. It is healthy to know that it is ok to be in the middle of the pack sometimes. It can even add to the enjoyment of the activity for sheer pleasure rather than having to “perform”.

I often look at my kids as my own garden. After all, I have spent so much time raising, cultivating, weeding, planting, and hoping and praying for a bountiful harvest in their lives. When thinking of how Peregrine talks about a Chinese garden the analogy jumped out for me. There is a Designer who has arranged this beautiful garden (my child) and set it just so for me to appreciate the beauty. Often times, I miss it because I am looking at something else or even wishing for a different design. When I do stop to turn around, sometimes this is a downfall for me. I cannot spend so much time looking back at what was, or I may miss what’s ahead, or fail to appreciate it. There are times when I can “turn around” and appreciate all the beauty that is blooming around me. But I have to be careful not to get lost in what is “back there” and fail to appreciate the blossoms that will soon be springing up…

I guess the first time I heard this applied to parenting was when my kids were still young, I may have only had one child at the time. I was in a seminar where the speaker said “if you don’t like the way your kids are acting, it’s your own fault”. Well, that was pretty hard to swallow, but I had to know that she was right. If you think your kids are talking rude, listen to yourself. If your kids are lying, stop and hear what stories you are telling. If your kids are disrespecting authority, how do you submit? And of course, the list goes on. Even though I hate to admit that there is so much truth to that, I have to face up to it. Especially as my kids get older and sound more and more like me….

It reminds me of a poster I used to have in my room when I was very young. I still remember it and have not seen it in a while. I will post it here with credit given to the author:

Protection and support are important keys to a child’s development. I like to refer to the Biblical passage “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) The support s/he gains from his/her family will provide a screen or protection from the winds that the storms of life will surely bring.

In a sense, this is like grafting a plant. Taking a short piece of plant is like taking the younger child and uniting him/her with an older, more rooted child. In giving our kids healthy role models, we will see a hardier plant upon maturity, one more likely to grow resistant those things that will cause hurt and heartache in their lives. It is also important for us to remind our bigger kids (and provide opportunities for them to experience) that those littler ones are watching and that they need to provide some strength for those younger ones to grasp on to.

In raising kids, it is easy to want to protect them from any harm that may come their way. But sometimes we do ourselves and our fellow man a disservice if we carry this too far. It seems that many of today’s young adults are what could be considered as “tender plants”. As they enter the workforce it is a difficult transition for them and their expectations seem to be centered on how they think things should be done. I recently saw a video that somewhat underscores these ideas. I thought it appropriate to share it here.

It seems that kids go through stages of internal thought processes that can be likened to photosynthesis of a plant. In my house, it has come to seem that perhaps teens are especially adept at mulling things over for a while before actually using the things they have been thinking about as energy for growth. It is so good to see a child of any age take to heart things that mom and dad have been telling them, sometimes for years.

We parents may at times feel as if we are talking to the wind or a brick wall, but when we see these things take effect in our children’s lives and the growth and maturity that begin show in the way they conduct themselves, we can know that our effort was not wasted. It may take time for a kid to think through things they are hearing and learning. But after a while of “percolating” the thoughts and ideas, these often become the catalyst for growth in their lives. As parents, we will hopefully continue to “shed some light” in our children’s hearts and minds, while allowing them the time and space to internally process these things. Our hope is that the reward will be the strong and healthy growth of our children into fruitful adult lives.

In her article, the above stated blogger reminds us parents that we can sometimes carry this a bit too far. We must remember that yes, we are the parents, but it eventually comes down to the child deciding for him/herself what s/he will do and be. We can spend too much time shaping our children into what we want them to be, what we think they “should” be. We as parents must be careful not to get so caught up in our own vision for our children that we lose sight of their vision for themself. A plant will only be beautiful if it blooms and grows. We must caution ourselves against the risk of losing our children to the dream we have for them to become.