sowingseeds

Although it hurts, I know in my mind that a little topsy turvey is important to face and overcome.

It seems most often that teens are not willing to talk about stuff that is bothering them. I know with my own son when things get tough, we sometimes have to dig around for information. It seems that once we do a little digging, the air can be cleared and feelings can be soothed and problems can be faced and worked on. Sometimes things just hurt and they will for a while, but by aerating the situation and allowing these grievances to be aired out, it allows for the air to be cleared and for time to help the healing begin.

As a parent, I look for ways to help him form stronger roots in areas of character development too. If I see an area where improvement needs to take place, we sit down and talk honestly. Not in a way that will wound or cut the child’s soul, psyche or even ego, but in a way that the child can sense the love, honesty and desire for maturity, for deeper and stronger roots, for becoming that strong and hardy plant that will bloom with beauty.  

In her article, the above stated blogger reminds us parents that we can sometimes carry this a bit too far. We must remember that yes, we are the parents, but it eventually comes down to the child deciding for him/herself what s/he will do and be. We can spend too much time shaping our children into what we want them to be, what we think they “should” be. We as parents must be careful not to get so caught up in our own vision for our children that we lose sight of their vision for themself. A plant will only be beautiful if it blooms and grows. We must caution ourselves against the risk of losing our children to the dream we have for them to become.

Anything in life can cause the erosion that saps a child’s energy, and in turn, level of growth. From school, sports, church, friends, home life and anything else the child is involved in, many demands are placed on him/her. Sometimes these demands even come from within the child. All of these demands slowly erode the area in which the child is rooted. It seems when these times come, it is in the best interest of our child and his/her growth to step back and help to re-evaluate all the s/he is involved in and how to best maintain the proper soil level needed. It may be a day off from a particular acitivity or perhaps even dropping one completely. It may be an earlier bedtime or a little down time in the evening is all our kid needs to help maintain the balance that can so easily be eroded by outside forces.

It occurs to me that the ultimate pesticide is within the child himself. It starts while they are very young and goes on into adulthood. It is up to the parent to instill values and integrity in the child. They must teach and inspire self-discipline in the child. When the child begins to be devoured by pests, it will eventually be up to him to remove them himself. It will take years of loving, patient practice and internalizing for this to truly take effect. As for me, the verdict is still out. But I am holding onto the key ultimate pest control as being self-discipline.

Keeping in mind our children’s individuality is important in the training and directing of their lives. Allowing others to have influence on our children can also help to stimulate growth at the right times. The individual path of our child as well as the influence of other training grounds can help to promote a healthy, stable path to adulthood.